Katie Grace’s birth into this world was not one that was out of the ordinary. It was a simple labor that despite its’ length was uneventful. Well as uneventful as a birth can be. We don’t really know why or how, but somewhere someway, Katie Grace had a loss of oxygen. A loss that did most of the damage to her brain stem. Basically the mother board of her brain. All her neuro-messages and information that needs to get to her brain to tell her what to do and when doesn’t work. She spent the first month of her life hooked to machines at UC Davis.
They didn’t give us much hope at first but somehow this tough girl made it through. She was able to be discharged almost a month to the very date without an trache to help her breath. We left the hospital with not much knowledge as to what our life was going to hold. Or how long we were going to have her. Katie Grace has slowly showed us over the years what she needs in the way of care and her tenacity for life.
That was her physical coming into this world but I always wondered what it looked like spiritually. After much thought and prayer I am pretty sure it looked a little like this.
“Katie Grace. Katie Grace.”- the gentle masculine voice called into the periwinkle sky
It wasn’t long before you could see the tiniest little being topped with red hair come running through the wheat colored field. As she approached closer, a smile began to wiggle onto her childish face and the delight of who she was running to overcame her body and all you could hear was her guileless giggle echo through the field.
It was this night with this embrace that The Lord decided it was time to have the conversation. It would be this night below the periwinkle sky that He would share with her what lay before her. He would whisper in her ear what earth would look like; revealing the heart of her family, the idiosyncrasy that would make them hers. He would let her into the deepest places of their hearts so that she would know them better then they knew themselves. It would be here that He also would make known the trauma to come, and it would be at that time that she would make her choice.
As the giggles died down and Katie Grace curled deeper into his lap, the conversation began. “Your momma,”he started. “She is a deep well of joy, full of wisdom and depth. You know when the skies began to touch each other, when day hands the sky over to night and for those few moments both skies are together. That is like your momma. She is one who holds both day and night together, relishing in the life of day and the depth of the night. It takes strength–little one—to hold the two. Strength your momma has.”
“So she is like me”Katie Grace comments with only innocence in her eyes
“So much so. But then there is your daddy. A steady calm in a sea of storms. A man who’s being can only be described as faithful. And oh how you love him. Oh how you see who you are in his eyes.”
“Its cause I see who I am in your eyes.”
“It is,” He says placing his lips on her head in a tender kiss. “And your brother Isaac. A big brother through to his bones. A boy born to care for people. To love them and guide them. To bring them laughter and joy.”
A silence came over them as they sat their eyes glued to the sky. As they sat it was if a movie began playing showing the scenes of her life and Katie Grace knew.
“I get a boo-boo,” she childishly states
“You do,” the Lord tenderly replies. With questioning trusting eyes Katie Grace holds the Lord’s gaze. “You see baby girl….the world is a place of free will. It is place where people are at liberty to chose a relationship with me. It is a fallen world, where bad things happen, scary things, painful things. It is also a world where good things happen, safe things, happy things. It is a world where I swirl around my people, loving them every chance I get. I don’t though take away their opportunity to chose.”
“Yes sweet girl,” The Lord smiles, at a loss with adoration of her being. “You can chose. It isn’t going to be an easy life. It isn’t going to be like your brother or siblings to come lives. You won’t run through the green grass of the world, you won’t see and touch all that there is for you too. All that your curious full of life being longs too. But you will live. Love. Feel your momma’s kisses. Know you daddy’s smell. Hear your brothers yell. You will change their lives. I will take what the broken world is offering you and make it gold. I will use your life to reveal to the world pieces of me that they yet have eyes to see. You will let them see me through your eyes. And it will change their lives. Or you can stay here, dancing in your fields with me. Running to me each night and sharing the adventures of the day.”
“They need me?”
“Yes. How perspective you are little one. One time not so long ago your momma and daddy’s heart was broken in way. Or at least they think it was.”
“They can’t see what we see,”
“No princess they can’t. They want too. They just can’t yet. They want to believe what they feel in their heart to be true about me, they just can’t yet.”
“They are lost,”
“Just a little bit.”
Silence came easily. He knew she had already decided but as each person generally does she needed time. To let her decision soak into her body, soul, and spirit. She needed time to let her vision become his, so that each day they were separated, she would always have his understanding. Gently he pressed his head to hers, breathing in the moment with her. Transferring to her the deepest root of identity.
Together they sat without sound, knowing of what was to come, embracing each other, preparing for the next season.
“I go,” Katie Grace finally murmured firm in her decision.
“I know baby.” He replied.
He knew her heart had given up much and an adventure was needed; so quickly he grabbed her waist and in one flawless movement he flung her into the darkened periwinkle sky. He stood up to catch her and as she came down the squeal of delight was unable to be contained. Again, into the sky she went, her laughter filling the air. It was with this that the conversation was finished and life continued on both hearts at peace with what was to come. Although they knew it wasn’t going to be easy or without tears, both knew the goodness and gold that would come.
For they knew that He can only bring goodness and gold.