I keep waiting for Fall.
The real Fall.
The 60 degree sunny days where the air blows cool but the sun speaks of heat. The days where sweaters and leggings are a requirement and not just a desire.
It has yet to fully arrive here in Charlotte.
So I chased Fall with Erin on Saturday. We hoped in her black car and headed to the mountains. In that hour and a half ride, we lost 20 degrees of heat. We found rolling hills of trees starting their color change, making the scenery look like a Bob Ross painting. We found misty roads and foggy towns, a need for jackets, scarfs and hot coffee.
We found Fall.
It was an amazing day. One with no agenda, no timeline. On our way home we found ourselves deep in this conversation about why people love Fall. If you think about it, its a bit wild. It’s the season right before a season of death, of lack, of going without. A time when the weather is gloomy, its hours of light are short, and the hours of darkness long. Yet still, Fall is anticipated. It is waited for and celebrated. It is sought out and relished in. It’s not looked upon with fear or trepidation because of what is to come. Few I know hate Fall because it tells of Winter’s arrival, they simply love Fall because it is what is it, in the present. So maybe if we follow nature’s path even the season’s tell us, death is nothing to fear, it is simply is a season, and that although it comes and can be bothersome, being in the present is always worth relishing in.
I didn’t get on here today to just talk about Fall.
Being true to the lack of consistency in which I write, it has been forever since I have sat and put my hands to words. Honestly, I have wondered if it is time to lay down the writing as a whole. When I first began this blog it was really to capture our life with Katie Grace. A way for me to not just share our journey but for me to wear my pain. To creatively express what life was teaching me. Even the years after Katie Grace’s death I had her teaching me, writing her story quite possibly taught me more than living it with her di. This place that I am in now, it’s different or maybe I am different. I have gone back and forth with keeping this little corner of creativity. For the present for the now, I am going to hold onto it. I am not sure what it will become, or what I will become within it but it didn’t seem like it was time just yet to let it go.
Maybe it’s just my Fall before Winter. Maybe I just need to sit and rest in the beauty of the season for what it is, with little concern for what it “needs” to be or “will” be.
Maybe I will just relish in being present in the moment and whatever that creates.