It’s Friday morning and I am sitting in a hospital. In front of me is a beautiful red headed baby and a handsome man both sound asleep. To the left the sun is making its glorious rise.

I had a feeling our pulmonologist would want to hospitalize us. I had resolved in my heart and with Charles that he would have to give us an extremely convincing reason to do it.

He did.

He really said we had few options one of them being we could go to the hospital and have them do like a lung cleanse and place her on by-pap and see what happens from there. That was our best choice so Charles and I took a minute…talked it over and decided. Let’s see if we can clear this lung with a cleanse and then help her with the by-pap.

We get checked into the hospital and it turns out that it’s not that easy. Katie Grace actually had a lung cleanse 5 months ago and it didn’t do much. And then we looked through her collection of x-rays here at Sutter with the doctor and we see how much her lung hasn’t changed. How they have used almost every machine they have that would help that lung open up and still it barely budges. Charles and i know what we are looking at. Katie Grace has already told us…The Lord has already been holding us.

Last night we put her on the by-pap machine….just to see what it might do. She already got her picture taken this morning so we can see those insides. We will know by rounds today what the rest of this season will look like. We could be going home with a by-pap today or we could be staying and getting a good lung cleanse. All depends on this mornings x-rays.

The by-pap and lung cleanse won’t change anything. They can’t keep the lung from filling with fluid or whatever it is in there. They can’t reverse brain damage. They can make our girl a little more comfortable….they could be an assist to help her for however much longer we have.

We are hopeful not because of machines or doctors or even the breath-taking tenacity of a little girl. We are hopeful because we have a knowledge that supersedes life….because we don’t fear death…because at the end of the day we chose joy amidst suffering.

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