If you have been following my blog for any period of time, you probably know how much I don’t prefer Thursdays. It nothing personal on my end, well maybe it is. We just don’t seem to get along. Thursday seems to be the day that I have the most marvelous and saddest experiences. This Thursday coming up doesn’t look much more promising.
I have put it off and put it off but we have to make the trip down to Sac to see Katie Grace pulmonologist. We simply aren’t winning the war with her left lung. To be honest we are at a loss on some level. The hospital calls it pneumonia but she has no fever and a normal white blood count. That left lung though….it is still the wrong color on the x-rays. If you didn’t know, lungs should be black on x-rays. They aren’t a solid matter like the heart….they are this elaborate design of mass that allows so much oxygen to move through that they don’t look like a solid mass on x-rays. Katie Grace left lung, is white. Its been white since she collapsed it 5 months ago. I don’t know that we have ever had a leg up on it.
This Thursday…tomorrow……we are facing the what are we going to do doctor. And I am scared.
I am scared of the options he is going give us.
I am scared of the choices we have.
I am scared of him wanting to hospitalizing her in Sac.
In the same breath I am ready to hear my options. I am ready to make a plan about how we are going to take care of her for however much longer we have her. Charles and I haven’t had a ton of time or space to connect about our plan. About what we want. So tomorrow, as we make the early morning drive, drinking our coffee, letting country music quietly fill the background of our conversation, we will talk. We mostly likely will cry, we will relish in how much we love Katie Grace and we will make a plan. We will breathe in and out. We will find Jesus face and his heart. We will know we are seeking the best we know for her. That we have listened to her and what she is asking, and we are working on making the best plan possible. Then we will sit in stillnesss, preparing ourselves for what the doctor will say.
Then I will remember it’s Thursday. My day of saddest moments and my day of most marvelous experiences.