I stood in my freshly lite up kitchen, slowly saying “it his choice, its his choice, its his choice.” As my tight lips let the words shape themselves out, my insides were dying. Screaming to just jump up and rescue. I could have him dressed and ready to go in minutes. There wouldn’t be this angst of can he be ready in time. Is he going to eat fast enough, get dressed fast enough. Those are the wrong shoes. He didn’t brush his teeth. I CAN JUST RESCUE HIM!!
But I didn’t move. I just stood there and repeated my mantra…until what I could say was “Oh buddy my heart is going to be so sad for you if you don’t make it to school today. I know how much you love to play with your friends and learn.”
“Grammie is leaving in 2 minutes. You need to finish breakfast and get dressed if you are going to school today.” And breathe….and sip my coffee….and don’t move.
And don’t move.
And don’t move.
And…he walks up with a panic in his voice handing me his empty plate fully dressed (minus shoes he needed help with)…”don’t go Grammie, I just need shoes.”
And he learned.
And I didn’t die. Actually I was proud. I was free to let my boy make a mess. I was free to let him have the experience of missing school because he chose not to get ready in a timely manner. I let him be his responsibility…and it worked. I wasn’t a nag, or a no-no noer. I didn’t fight, I didn’t argue, I didn’t badger. I just let him be and he did it.
As we scrambled to get his shoes on, I said “Hey buddy it looks like it was a rough morning getting ready on time. Do you want to eat breakfast faster or do you want Momma to wake you up earlier so you have more time in the morning. I really want to help you be successful.”
“I want you to wake me up earlier momma.”
And out the door he went, dressed, feed, hair did, no teeth brushing…but he loses those anyway. Best of all though was he was empowered. He made choices that ran the morning, he negotiated himself and what his day was going to look like. And I got to be his helper, not his nagger.
Today I didn’t fear messes or not following the rules.
Today I stepped closer to being the momma I want to be!