I used to love Sunflowers when I was in high school. I couldn’t quite tell you back then what I loved about them, I just loved them. I loved how full of life they looked, how big they were, like bigger then life almost. I loved the way they made me feel.
You know what I learned yesterday, I learned that Sunflowers will turn towards the sun. They will physical turn their position so that they can have their face towards the sun. Okay so maybe not that extreme but they do exhibit a turning to track the sun.
I know you probably knew that.
It hit me though. Cause someone was telling me I reminded them of a sunflower and they actually had bought me a card with a sunflower on it because it reminded them of me. And it made me think.
I thought about my life and some of the things I have gone through and I realized although I haven’t done it gracefully always, I have found a way to always turn myself to face the Son. And somehow amazingly He has placed himself in a place where I can easily find him.
I thought about Katie Grace and this walk with her, and I could have. I could have kept my face down and died. I could have shrunk and been swallowed up. But I didn’t. I don’t know why I didn’t to be honest. Why are there some of us who can just do it and some of us who are more tender in a way? There are some of us when tragedy hits, we just stop. We curl up and shrivel up and die in a way.
I don’t though. I don’t know why. I don’t know why this fight comes out in me. It’s like there is this drive inside of me that says “hell or high-water, I will live and I will live full of life.” That drive somehow always turns me towards the Son. If I really think about it, I think maybe I have always been this way. I have always been a fighter.
And maybe I am where my daughter gets in from. Maybe when I look into her precious eyes and see that sheer determination of life….maybe I am looking into my own eyes. When I see her look at me, and she has this dead set look of my time has not yet come mom, so quit giving up. Maybe I am looking at a piece of myself that I forgot. A piece that I forget on a daily basis. A piece that maybe I should myself more credit for.
So maybe I should remember sunflowers more. Maybe I should remember I am not perfect by any means but I do always find a way to find the Son. I find a way to make him be the light that helps me grow.
And maybe Katie Grace is the best that happened to me. I would take her whole and new any day, however I am beyond grateful to have what I have with her. I am beyond grateful to have a piece of heaven in my arms everyday. To be able to have a little being who reflects back to me how strong I really am.
Maybe it is nice to have another little sunflower tracking the Son with me.